Loss left a chasm in my chest. Do you have it too? It begins at the base of my throat and circles down near my ribs. Sometimes it feels like heartburn, an irritation from swallowing a ghastly morsel of life. Other times, it more closely resembles a window where the world blows through. Mostly though it’s just a dull ache; proof there’s a puncture at my epicenter.
The void, that’s what I call it, because, it can’t be filled or shored up. Trust me, I’ve tried. But not busyness, friends, flirtations, counseling, books, or hundreds of downward dogs have shrunk its size or impact. The hole remains. And anyway, it is so very tiring trying to change one’s shape to be something it is not.
So here’s the new tactic: acceptance. I imagine it like a new organ, something foreign yet essential that needs to be incorporated into the body. Time to study it. Familiarize myself with its sharp edges and bottomlessness. Perhaps in this way I can welcome this new body part that is more empty space than anything else. In other words, perhaps the solution is there isn’t one. There’s nothing to fix. I am now a body and a void. So be it.
Co-Founder Goodgrief App
Robynne Boyd is the Co-Founder of Goodgrief App, the social network for loss. It is now available for less than the cost of a latte in the iOS App Store, Google Play and www.goodgriefapp.com. You can follow Goodgrief App on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.