Keeping Time

Our life is measured in time from the moment time note’s our birth arrival.

I’ve been unfair to time with my expectations of how it should behave

constantly oscillating between extremes.

Speed up through the work week.

Slow down through the weekend.

Stop during a moment so I can breathe it in for all it is worth.

I want time to change with my demands.

As a result, time has disappointed me often.

When grief struck,

I was angry with time for not having given me enough

Yet simultaneously happy for the small amount of time granted.

I was frozen in time,

stuck between the time before his death

and incapable of moving into the time after his death.

In that year, as I sat in the valley of grief, time escaped me.

I lost time.

There are the days I’m envious of missed time

And the days when I wish I could turn back time.

Time measures age and milestones.

Time tracks progress, molds memories and notes the end of a life.

Time marks anniversaries of a loss.

Time has this unique ability to seem like just yesterday and forever ago all at once.

We are constantly keeping time.

I worry that the longer time moves on, time will erase.

I fear time will lose my recollection of events

or steal my ability to hear the sound of his voice.

As I honor the anniversary of his death,

I’ve learned we don’t have infinite time.

I’m thankful for the ability to look back in time,

conscious of being present in time,

and careful to capture time in photos.

All the while making the best of the time I have.

In loving memory of Adam and his time here with us.

April 23rd,1977 to July 26th, 2015

*******

Kim Libertini is all too familiar with grief and the Co-Founder of Goodgrief App, the social network for loss available for less than a latte, for download in the App Store, Google Play and www.goodgriefapp.com. You can follow Goodgrief App on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.